20 Seconds
by IAlreadyHaveAPlan
Summary: 20 seconds of insane courage. That's all they say you need to do something life changing. So when Finn finds the courage to propose to Rachel, causing Quinn to confess her true feelings, will Rachel be brave enough to follow her heart? Spoilers Yes/No.


He'd never been this scared in his entire life.

Not even in the championship football game, or that time he kissed Rachel during Nationals, or that time he hit the mailman.

Finn's heart was hammering so loudly, he was sure everyone in the choir room could hear it. This place was designed to amplify sound, right? Surely everyone could hear it. It was loud. So damn loud.

His palms were sweaty. The boy clung to the edge of his seat to give his hands something to do. Damn it. What did he normally do with his hands? He folded them onto his lap, then crossed his arms, then placed them under his legs, then resumed clinging to the seat. Yeah, that worked.

Rachel was laughing with Artie and Brittany. The sound of her laugher calmed him, reminding him of why he was doing this in the first place. He needed her. He loved seeing Rachel happy, seeing the way a smile would slowly overtake her face. The musical way she laughed. The way she rocked up onto her toes when she kissed him.

The group fell into it's usual rhythm. Everyone talked lightly, nobody bringing up anything heavy. That stuff didn't belong here. Mike danced to the side, Tina attempting to mimic his actions. Artie was telling a story to Brittany and Rachel, leaving the girls in stitches. Santana and Mercedes were softly singing some unknown tune, while Quinn talked to Blaine and Kurt at the back. Rory and Sam were talking to the band members, some of whom were playing lazily, filling the space with the music they all shared a common love for.

It was perfect.

It was perfect, because this was Rachel's domain. A place were she was happy, comfortable and loved. A home away from home. A place where she could be herself, and appreciated for it. Finn knew he only had one shot at this. This is something that a guy only gets to do once in his life. He needed it to be special. To be perfect, because Rachel didn't deserve any less. There was much he couldn't give her, he knew that, but what he could, he wanted to be perfect.

"You okay there, Hudson?"

Finn almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of his name, turning to find Puck straddling the seat beside him, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Y-yeah, fine"

The mohawked boy simply shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his chair, watching as Will walked into the room, an excited smile plastered across his face. As always, it took a while for everyone to settle down, but soon their teacher had their full attention.

"Okay guys, I've got some really great ideas for the competition coming up, and I think we should-"

This was it. This was his moment. Now or never.

"Mr. Shue? Can I say something?"

All eyes flew to him. He could feel them looking over ever aspect of him, trying to determine what was happening. Their unrelenting looks felt like ants crawling over his skin. The curly haired man simply nodded, motioning for Finn to take the floor as he went to stand beside Brad.

On shaking legs, Finn managed to stand and face the group of people who had become his closest friends. This was going to be hard, but he wanted to do it. Needed to.

"When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than to be like my Dad. My mum told me, ever since I was little, that all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just 20 seconds, and it will change your life forever"

At this point, everyone was hushed quiet. Not even Santana made a biting remark, something he was instantly grateful for.

"My mum told me a week ago, that my father and her were never married…and I think it's because he couldn't do it. Be brave, you know. So I'm taking my 20 seconds. My 20 seconds of insane, crazy, putting it all out there courage"

With that, he slowly made his way over to Rachel, who was sitting stock still in her chair. Finn bent down on one knee in front of where she sat, producing the box from his pocket and opening it to reveal a small ring.

Kurt squealed.

"Rachel, this is me putting it out there. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And maybe this is crazy, and maybe it doesn't make sense, but all that I know is that I love you, and I want to do anything if it means making you happy"

His palms were slicked. It was a miracle he hadn't dropped with box from his tight grip. A miracle he hadn't followed in Burt's footsteps and had a heart attack right there, because surely his head was hammering way too much. He could do this. He still had 6 seconds of courage left.

"You make my days better. Being around you makes me feel like I'm taller than I already am. I love you so very, very much. And if you'd let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Rachel Barbra Berry, will you marry me?"

This couldn't be happening.

Surely the crazy had reached a new level, because there was no way she was genuinely seeing what she was seeing. Finn Hudson down on one knee, extending a ring to a Rachel Berry who had a shaking hand covering her mouth.

None of this could be real. The only thing that assured her that this was, in fact, happening, was the looks on her fellow glee members faces. Shock. She'd never seen so many people drop their jaws in unison, frozen, eyes flickering between Finn and Rachel.

Her Rachel.

The Rachel who she could never get out of her mind, no matter how much she tried. The Rachel she dreamt about, sang about and drew. There was no escaping the girl. She'd ignored her feelings. Snapped at Santana and Brittany upon their suggesting that this was something other than hatred.

She could never hate her. The only thing that hurt more was the idea of just being friends. Every time the brunette suggested it, she couldn't help herself, she'd skip around the label. Quinn didn't know why, it's not like she was in with that much of a chance that being stuck in the 'friends zone' would be damaging.

Watching this happen, tears slowly creeping into chocolate eyes, she couldn't sit idely by and accept it. She'd spent her entire life watching, accepting what happened. Not anymore, not now, and not with Rachel.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she was on her feet, tears already brimming her eyes as she looked at Rachel from across the rows of frozen students.

"Rachel, don't do this"

That seemed to bring everyone out of their comatose state. Everyone span in their seats to look at her. Fine. Let them watch. This was her moment, she needed this to happen. She'd never forgive herself if she didn't do this.

20 seconds of insane courage. It's all she needed.

Go.

"Rachel, I can't let you do this. Not without knowing the truth. Not without knowing that I'm so incredibly sorry for hurting you like I have over these years. Not without knowing the reason I called you man hands was to justify the fact that I love them. Or the fact that I made fun of the way you dress because it's all I could think about. Or the fact that I'd never been happier in my life than when Kurt told me you picked out my corsage."

She was shaking now, cheeks flushed at the last comment. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kurt smiling. And Brittany had tears in her eyes, clutching at Santana's hand like it was a lifeline.

She made her way down to stand in front of Rachel, speaking all the while.

"Everything about you is beautiful. Inside and out. I've never met anyone like you, and I'm sure I never will. Because I'm in love with you, Rachel, and I know it sounds crazy. I know it doesn't make sense. But I want to be there for you. Holding you when you're sad, kissing your nightmares away. I want that."

Her breath was coming raggedly now, her body shaking more as she glanced down to Finn.

"If Finn makes you happier than the idea of being with me does, then I want you to choose him. I just want you to be happy, Rachel. Even if that means you're not with me. But, if you're brave enough, I want you to do it, because I love you in a big, unfortunate, makes me hate you way. So pick me. Choose me. Love me."

Quinn didn't notice that somewhere along her speech, tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't stop. She couldn't bare to have this happen in front of everyone.

Her 20 seconds of courage was gone. Daring to look up from the floor, her eyes found her closest friends. Santana had tears brimming in her eyes, which were fixed on the back of Rachel's head as if she was screaming at the girl in her mind to say something. Brittany remained clinging to Santana's hand, her bottom lip trembling as she met Quinn's terrified green gaze with sympathetic blue.

"Well shit", Puck muttered, blinking as he turned away to examine the rest of the group.

Everyone looked like they'd just watched a puppy be run over. She wasn't sure who the helpless, innocent puppy was. This wasn't fair on Rachel, Finn or herself. They were all innocent. All exposed.

And suddenly, whatever remained of her courage was gone. She couldn't bring herself to stand there, silent, hoping against hope that Rachel would miraculously choose her.

She span around, running to the door on legs that she was endlessly thankful actually worked. A hand flew up to her mouth to muffle the sobs she couldn't hold back. Rachel would choose Finn. Of course she would. She'd never shown any interest in her as anything more than a friend, besides…

"Quinn, wait!"

Rachel's hand came up to cover her mouth, as if trying to catch the words and return them to her. She didn't know what made her do it. She was sure, in that moment, that she'd lost the ability to speak. Yet here she was, shouting for the blonde to stay.

Quinn seemed to freeze under the words, but dared not turn around. Rachel's heart hammered in her chest, screaming at her that it couldn't fulfill it's purpose because surely her blood was frozen. She'd always said she'd never imagined anything but Finn, her inevitable rise to fame and their eventual life together.

Her meant well. Regardless of anything he did, any mistakes he made, she knew he meant well. That was why she loved him, because it felt so good to be loved and wanted. So very, very good.

But he wasn't Quinn.

He couldn't send a chill down her body just by walking past her. She'd never sought out someone's approval as much as she sought the blondes. Never hung onto every word that fell from that perfect mouth like it was her sustenance.

And in that moment, she knew what she would have to do.

20 seconds of insane courage. That's all she needed. She could do this. For once, she could let herself be happy.

Finn was still kneeling by her feet, his face like a wounded baby animal. He simply stared up at her, like he was for the first time uncertain that she would agree to his proposal. Tears sprang to her eyes as she bit her lip and slowly, slowly, shook her head.

No.

Raising to her feet, she pulled Finn up with her. Her heart ached for him. Her body screamed in their shared agony. She loved him. She did, but she wasn't in love with him.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered into his chest, her arms wrapping around him.

Finn appeared too stunned to comprehend anything right now. He gave a meek nod, looking over his shoulder to Quinn, who had turned around at this point, still crying.

But there was a lightness about her. Like a weight that even she never knew was there was suddenly lifted.

And they were free. Free falling, maybe, but free.

Hesitantly, she made her way over to stand in front of the girl. She desperately searched her mind for words. Anything. Words were never something that came hard for her, but this time, words escaped her.

She could only be honest. She still had four more seconds of courage left.

Reaching out, she grasped Quinn's hand.

Four, three, two…

"I love you, Quinn"

Air.

He needed air. He couldn't breath; his chest felt like it had collapsed in on itself. He was struggling. Falling.

This wasn't happening. She couldn't say no. She couldn't walk away, not after this. Not into the arms of someone else.

He loved her.

Kurt was at his side, helping Finn into his seat.

He felt like he was going to be sick. His mind was loud. His body was shaking. His fingers were gripped like a vice around the box.

But he loved her.

Suddenly, in his hazed world, Quinn broke through. Tears were still streaming down her face. He wasn't sure if they were happy tears for her luck with Rachel, or sadness in his pain.

He wasn't sure it mattered.

The blonde placed a hand on his shoulder, using her free hand to swipe at the tears that covered her face. Her words were almost whispered, held back by a chocking hitch in her voice, but they hit Finn none the less.

"I'm so sorry, Finn"

The words did nothing to sooth the tremendous pain in his chest. He'd always doubted people who said they could physically feel their heart breaking, but this was it. His heart was hurting so very badly.

He didn't want to cry. But he did.

And Kurt was saying words. And Will was trying to get everyone to leave. And Quinn was still grasping his shoulder. And Rachel was still crying.

He couldn't believe that this had happened.

He loved her.

But maybe, because of that, he could be okay.


End file.
